♥ Thursday, November 13, 2008
My Complicate Life ♥
Listen to my blog song, it mean so much so much to me. ''爱太痛''. Well, It had been a month since I last updated my blog. I almost had forgotten that I have my own blog. I have been busy over these days, struggling myself thorough my life. On this rainy night few days back, I look into the sky high up, asking myself where I am. This world is too realistic for me to adapt, I almost couldn't caught up, almost couldn't breathe. You know, when human start growing up, they face the four stage of life, ''born, aged, sick, die''. Even if it doesn't happen to them, they will face the hardness where they have to see their close relatives/friends leaving them one by one. I slowly hate the feeling of growing up. Everything seems to have a reason, unlike when I am young, when we don't have to bother about all the thing. And the facts are, the more we know, the more we will suffer.
My most precious person have left me, I couldn't hear/see him anymore. Do you still exist? How come I start losing you, can't even feel that you are protecting me. Life is bad, but we still have to carry on, why? Why when I am about to start learning being more optimistic, all this bad thing must happen to me?
Next, my dear dog chubby is leaving me soon. I've done so much on his stomach, having to X-Ray, then blood test, and follow by ultrasound, lastly surgery and the last hope was after the lab test. The doctor ensure that he suffer from a very aggressive cancer, which not even chemotherapy can help. Did i made a wrong decision to put him through this surgery? It cost me about 5k, and they still cannot save him. He is so deeply in pain yet he still have to undergo a deep cut on his stomach. It hurts my heart deeply, but never much compare to the pain this little dog have to suffer. He can only live for another 2 months. Although I adopted him for only like 3 months time. But our relationship is more than just a friend. He accompany when I am lonely, there to listen to me when I am down, see me crying when I am sad. He's more than just a family to me. I really hate the day will come, where he have to leave me. But what more can I do? My brain couldn't run now. I know I am selfish not to put him to sleep, I know he is suffering day to day. But I don't wish to give up; I am still waiting for that very rare chance to appear.. doesn't want to give Chubby up even till the very last moment. I don't know what he want, cos he can't talk. I can only pray for him, and wish god will let me take over his pain. He doesn't have a good owner before, and when I just about to shower him with care and love. He gets this kind of illness. ''Chubby, please be brave and strong. You're the most precious dog I ever have. Believe that miracle will exist. Please, please don't leave me. You know I cannot take it.''
Likewise for my auntie, who just realise that she have stomach cancer, doctor say that she is about to leave us soon. All we can do is to visit her more often, and fulfil her last few wishes. Although recently I am not very close to her, but will remember the times where she cook and talk to me. Auntie, god will bless you.
I no longer have the courage to say ''I'm fine'', when I am asked ''how are you''. Many unhappy things have happened to me. Yet I can turn to no one. Don't like the feeling of being alone, cos I am weak. My love for Chubby is on and on... Can anyone bring me out for a holiday? To a peaceful place where i can rest my mind.
Saw the long scar on his stomach? He is so weak now, and have to inject every 2 hours, into his neck. The last photo show a promise to me, i want him to be with me for his next life. Hope that he'll be a human for his next life. So he can speak, and say that 'I'm painful' when he is in pain.
♥ My World My Life
4:12 PM
